Tag: IVF

The dream…

For as long as I can remember, I’ve known I’ve wanted to be a mum. Now there’s no sob story here, just in a same sex relationship so things are more difficult. Now is the right time to pursue it. We’re in a good stable place. But we obviously have to go through other means.

So I’ve already had tests done. Everything seems in order. Obviously the loose weight conversation came up – “Don’t let your BMI to increase at all”. So now we wait…

Wait for approval to donate eggs. My girlfriend asked how I’d feel, if they got pregnant and we didn’t. But do you know what. If I could help someone fullfil their dream, the same dream as mine, then I want to, because God forbid I couldn’t myself then I would need help from someone else.

The next is to wait for things to return to ‘normal’.

Finally is to wait for donor sperm.

The binge

So… You turn to the food. Nice breakfasts, crisps, chocolate, crisps, ice cream, oh yeah ice cream, biscuits. Biscuits are my weakness. Tea and biscuits! One leads to another and another…

You start with telling yourself, ‘right one bad breakfast then back on it.’ Then it’s ‘well I’ve had that so might as well have something else.’ Just one more then maybe one more. Oh well Monday is a new week, new start. You can do this! And like that a whole weekend off ‘plan.’

And actually I can. Fuck the thoughts that I won’t get there. Fuck everyone else. One day at a time that’s it. Try new things and cook new things. I like cooking actually, when the motivation comes. And actually I sat there, Sunday night feeling full and bloated and generally bluh!

So now I need to do it for me. For my own small goals. For what I want in the future. For now anyway, my mindset changes rather quick.

They say ‘it doesn’t matter about the pounds, I bet you’ve lost inches. You’re getting fitter’ But do you know what inches don’t count. I appreciate it, I do they trying to comfort me, reassure me. But I want my annoyance to be acknowledged because BMI counts. “BMI needs to go down.” This is what I get told, for my dream, my dream I’ve wanted since I can remember. A baby….